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09 December 2014 @ 11:01 am
I talk to my parents every Sunday, so when they want to talk in the middle of the week, it freaks me out. Yesterday (Monday), my father texted me towards the beginning of my commute home asking me to call them sometime in the evening. Of course, this immediately caused me to panic and try to figure out what was up. Thanks to the wonders of technology, I was able to see that my mother had had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. I couldn't do any more research right away because I had gotten on the train and the first few stops of my train ride have lousy signal. Once I got above ground, I googled the doctor and found out that he is a cardio-thoracic surgeon. This was, in some ways, a relief (not an oncologist!). A few years ago my mother mentioned that she has something up with her heart (I don't really have details) and that it might later necessitate surgery. They've been keeping an eye on her and apparently have reached the conclusion that the time has come, so she met with the surgeon.
The reason they wanted me to call was because my mother was going to try to schedule the appointment for the Monday of Christmas week, when I will be home, and she wanted to see if that was okay, since she assumed that I would want to be home. I am on the "sooner is better" train when the doctor recommends surgery, so I think this is a good idea. But I am also a) freaking out because my mother needs heart surgery and b) kinda bummed because the chill Christmas week I was really looking forward to has changed. Work has been really hard and stressful and I was really looking forward to going home and being with my parents and "working remotely" from their house for the days that my company is actually open. This changes that, and I am bummed. And then I feel selfish for being bummed. And then I think about what the worst-case scenario is, and then I freak out even more, because I really don't want my mom to die, and I really really don't want her to die at Christmas, which again feels really selfish and juvenile, but there it is.
I need to find out more about what, exactly, the procedure is, both so that I can research it and feel slightly more on top of things, and also so that I can add it to my family medical history, so that my doctors can be on the lookout for the same condition in me.
And of course, on top of all this, I am still trying to get things done at work, which, see above re stress.
18 October 2013 @ 12:08 pm
Relevant to the interests of many of my fannish friends: The Toast just started a weekly series called Femslash Friday.
04 August 2013 @ 09:22 am
I was at work at the theatre yesterday, where many of my coworkers know that I am poly. But they don't really get it. Someone asked me, basically, if [profile] zammis1 was still around, in a way that implied that I might want her not to be.

And what they don't get is that she's not an inconvenience. She's not someone I tolerate because I have to if I want to be with [profile] kinksville. She's not a temporary situation, and I'm not just biding my time till he gets rid of her.

They don't understand that [profile] kinksville and [profile] zammis1 have been together as long as I've known either of them and that I can't (and don't want to) imagine a world where that's not true. They don't know that one of my favorite things to see is the smile on [profile] kinksville's face when he's looking at [profile] zammis1 and that rather than feeling jealousy when they are cute together, all I feel is a warm fuzzy happiness. I can't explain to them how peaceful and wonderful and right it feels when all three of us are curled up on a couch together. I try to make it clear that any future I plan with [profile] kinksville by default includes a place for [profile] zammis1, but they don't understand that to me, this is a good thing.

I think they assume that she must somehow take away from the relationship I have with [profile] kinksville in some way - time, energy, sexual interest, money, spoons, whatever. And of course a part of successful polyamory is negotiating the distribution of those resources. But what they don't get is that [profile] zammis1 is an asset in our relationship. She doesn't take anything away that I'm not perfectly happy to give her, and she adds so much love and happiness to our lives that it would be a bargain at twice the "price". (This is not even to mention all the practical things she does that I appreciate, because I don't want her to stick around just because she helps paint the house or plans trips or watches anime with [profile] kinksville so I don't have to. I appreciate and am grateful for the practical labor she does that benefits the polycule, but that's not the only thing that makes her a valuable part of our lives).
(Okay, actually it was three days ago, but that's not the lyric).

Birthdays seem a good time to make life-update posts, so here we go.

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So, that's basically it. Life goes on, I work a lot, I spend a lot of time with my sweetheart, I probably don't get enough sleep, and my calendar is very colorful. But on balance, I'm pretty happy with life.
Focus is a thing that other people have, right?

I suppose focus isn't actually really my problem, so much as motivation. I am writing though in the hopes that I can get my act together and knock some more things off my to-do list at work.

So, here is a general update on my life:

A) some of my RL friends have made the trip over to Dreamwidth. Hi everyone!

B) I continue to work 3 jobs, though it's only been one the past couple of weeks. My trivia games were off for the holidays, and tonight's game is cancelled in favor of the BCS game, which is fine by me because I hate competing with football. But then I got another e-mail telling me that the bar wants to try out some other hosts to "see what's available". My boss was very nice about it, implying that it was a dick move, and that the company was only allowing it because it was a new account, but it is still frustrating. I am trying not to take it personally. I know I annoyed the general manager on the first night because I rolled my eyes or something when he didn't know where the prizes were (which we had to request several times). I got to hear from him about how he "didn't appreciate my reaction" which, whatever dude, I don't work for you, also, we asked you to get this handled an hour ago, I shouldn't have HAD to ask you again. Players seem to enjoy me, but I'm very much a "get in, do my job, get out" person when it comes to trivia. I'm not a bar person by nature, and I also have a long commute, so I'm not inclined to linger and hang out. I get there early, I set up, I order my food, and I run my game, then I tip my servers (and frequently bus my own table) and head home. My Thursday night players love me (though the manager there seemed ignorant of that fact, I think because I don't hang out after the game).
My day job continues to not be a perfect fit, but it is better than many other jobs I have had and at least allows me the freedom to browse the Internet at will. I don't think that project management is a good fit for me, long-term. I am much more interested in brainstorming and big pictures than I am in managing the day-to-day minutia of things. I dislike herding cats and having to nag people to get things from them. And I desperately miss being "on stage" and teaching people things. Unfortunately, tour guide gigs are not all that common, nor do they offer a lot of room for growth (which is the problem - they're great for the first 6 months to a year, but then when I can do the tour in my sleep I get bored). I really like working at the theatre - I'm good at it, it's easy, it's social, I get to solve problems and make people happy. Plus, free tickets! (I left because I don't want to be a box office associate my whole life, also because while the money was okay, the money I make now is better)
My father thinks I should be a writer, which is intensely flattering but which requires the focus and motivation that I mention lacking above. Deadlines are one of the things that focus me (which is why I like fic challenges), but it's hard to have externally-applied deadlines for things like writing a blog, unless/until you're actually writing for someone else.
C) I am "retiring" from BR this summer. I'll still be a member, still occasionally make it out to classes and munch and whatnot, and I'll be an EBM for life, basically, but I'm not running again (at least not for a while) and I'll be stepping down from TNG leadership. I am really looking forward to being able go to things and not have to be in charge. And also not being secretary anymore, which is a job I have because no one else wants it.
D) Things with [profile] kinksville are still going swimmingly. I <3 him and our polycule so much, it's so wonderful. I love seeing him be cute with [profile] zammis even after all their years together. I also really just enjoy his company. The temptation to call in sick today and spend the day at home with him was VERY strong; fortunately he helped me make the mature choice.
E) I alternate between just wanting to stay home and read and crochet and watch movies and feeling the itch to go SOMEWHERE. I also have these nesting desires that my current living situation won't really allow - I want to bake and pickle and brew and whatnot. It probably doesn't help that [profile] kinksville and I want to move in together but do not have a firm plan for when, and so I feel a bit unmoored in terms of housing (which has really been true for a while, the place I live now has always been intended as "temporary", for all that I've lived there for 2 years now). It is hiatus time for television and I am having a hard time lately finding anything I want to watch on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime (often there are many quality films available, but all things that are either sad or require a lot of attention that I do not feel like devoting). I have finished ALL the Vorkosigan books and am now on other LMB books (currently in Book 3 of The Sharing Knife and feeling cranky that I have to read it in hard copy instead of on my Kindle, which I actually prefer). I think a lot of this is normal, it's January, the holidays are over, but it's still cold(ish) and there aren't really any big things to look forward to for a while (is it Camp yet?). The days are short, you're back at work, etc.
F) I have two projects that I am working on that were supposed to be Xmas gifts but are not done. And I also have a GORGEOUS set of new yarn that is supposed to be for a birthday gift (in May) but that I want to work with NOW. It is taking willpower to focus on the slow and steady work of finishing lots of rows in the same pattern instead of the fun part of something new taking shape (crochet is often very fast, but some things just take time, especially getting any kind of volume out of small stitches). I'd still rather be doing that than taking minutes.
G) Going home for Christmas was lovely. I fell back into the rhythm of being there very easily. I spent the 26th - 28th working from home, which mostly meant playing with spreadsheets and answering emails while I ripped music from my dad's CD collection to my laptop. The town my parents live in still always strikes me as a bit provincial and backwards when I go home, but my parents themselves are good company, and my father is a good cook. I got a tablet, some Doctor Who things (including a TARDIS/Dalek salt/pepper shaker set), a new purse, and some yarn. I also learned that apparently my aunt (my mother's youngest sister) harbors some anger towards me and another one of my cousins for leaving home and moving so far away. Which is her own drama (she lived with my grandparents and then next door to them for a long time, until they went into a nursing home, when she then took over the house, which she has since sold), but really, what was I supposed to do? And isn't being happy more important than being able to attend every family picnic? She's also one of those people who complain that they never see you but yet is unwilling to take any steps to remedy that, which is something I have very little patience with.

Okay, the to-do list beckons. Wish me luck.
20 November 2012 @ 11:50 pm
A couple of my friends have asked for people to pitch their own goods - music, books, crafts, services, etc. I'm doing the same, but I'll open it up a bit. Tell me about the stuff you make, the stuff your Mom makes, the stuff your favorite little shop down the street sells. Who are your favorite artisans, small business and service providers? I'll compile a list to share with you all on the Monday after Thanksgiving, since you know I won't be waking up early on Black Friday.  Feel free to promote your own goods and services, as well as those of friends/family or even strangers who just happen to do work you think is cool (in other words, feel free to link to your own etsy store or to the webpage of your favorite small batch soap maker or local yarn store or photographer or whatever).
29 October 2012 @ 09:57 am
There's a storm rolling through and nothing in my Hulu Queue that I really feel like watching, so I'm having a Community marathon.

And then I remembered this video that I saw on Facebook, but haven't seen in my more fannish Internet hangouts, so I thought I'd share:

Saturday was the BR TNG meetup at MDRF. We do this every year, and it's fun. I wore my Black Kraken Acquisition Services t-shirt and my thigh holster (I needed somewhere for my fan!) and had fun wandering around with
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Saturday was the BR TNG meetup at MDRF. We do this every year, and it's fun. I wore my Black Kraken Acquisition Services t-shirt and my thigh holster (I needed somewhere for my fan!) and had fun wandering around with <user="Kinksville"> and other people. Sadly, I did not meet up with certain people until the very end of the day, because I had failed to charge my phone overnight.

Saturday night was a lovely dinner with friends.

Today, we went to the National Book Festival for Lois McMaster Bujold's book signing, because she is one of <user="Kinksville">'s favorite writers. We stood in line and chatted with the other fans in line, with me mostly geeking out with them about fiber arts, fandom, other geeky shows, and fanfic (and one of them had my name! and she was cool, which is good, because only cool people are allowed to have my name).

We hung out for a little while longer, and then had a nice dinner with <user="zammis">. I really love my polycule, and I really like seeing <user="zammis"> and <user="kinksville"> be cute together. I remember when I first started dating him, one of the things I really liked was how they are so cute together - it made me think that our (possibly OTT) cuteness wasn't just a phase, that he was going to stay affectionate, which is important to me. I am excited that we are all sharing a room at BR XXV.

But now, of course, it is Sunday night, and I am le tired. And the very last thing I want to do tomorrow is deal with going to work and editing documents and taking minutes. But it should be a beautiful day for a bike ride, and my Kindle is full of Vorkosigan books and I have lots of crocheting (so. many. projects!) and perhaps I will even manage to find the energy for a post-work swim.

For now, I will watch some tv on the computer and see how close to finishing at least one project I can get (and/or rip out the hat I am working on if it does not get more hatlike very soon).
21 September 2012 @ 11:38 am
"He's no gentleman. He has my panties."
21 September 2012 @ 09:51 am
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